I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
