so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
