I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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