so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
