forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
