I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Randomize
