WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
