some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
