I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
