And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
