yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
