Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
