my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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