Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
