Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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