You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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