I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
