I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
