they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
