i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
