I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
