Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
