Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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