i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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