3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
