the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i barfeds in our rink
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
