so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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