I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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