it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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