Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
