if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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