this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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