WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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