I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
