Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
