perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
