just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
