Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
