i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
