The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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