I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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