I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
