Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
