So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
