Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
