I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
