I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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