I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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