captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My vagina is very pro this idea
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
