I wish I only lived at night.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
