I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
