im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
