we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
