Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Randomize
